It has been revealed that Leeds University Student Union may force dozens of innocent animals into inappropriate relationships with what were previously considered adults.
Obviously distressed to find that the end of a university course might involve writing an essay or sitting the kind of written exam that has been the norm in education forever, LUSU has set up a ‘petting-zoo’ to help students ‘de-stress’ and ‘unwind during the busy exam period’.
Amongst the animals likely to be corralled into servicing the students craving for attention-seeking and wallowing-in-themselves are rabbits, ducks, chickens, guinea pigs, squirrels and chinchillas – although they ‘depend on availability’. However, raising fears that these might just be gateway animals to more exotic species, there are plans for snakes lizards and even meerkats to be used by students for ‘mental and physical stimulation’.
All spokespersons for the union said they were ‘excited’, and banged on about ‘stress’ and ‘panic’ and ‘mental health’ as if students were engaged in some type of trench warfare rather than higher education.