I consider myself an easy going sort. I throw the odd few quid in the bucket when the yellow jacket brigade come collecting for the rescued dogs home, I’m generally tolerant of other people’s snotty offspring, and I manage to be civil to most of my ex’s – most of the time. My general fondness for rough and ready humanity is something I quietly pride myself upon. I do feel, however, that unless said humanity get a grip and learn how to behave they should be banned from the public streets and recreational facilities of our fair city.
I’m talking basic consideration. Consideration for the needs, wants and interests of other people is a fundamental requirement of civic life. It requires that we don’t whizz about the place in a cyclone of solipsistic glee as oblivious of our fellow citizens as a Battle Top. It further demands recognition of the fact that self-esteem is a poor indicator of a self to get steamy about, and that there is indeed such a thing as too much self-expression. Often it would be preferable if the self that is so ostentatiously expressed were bottled up instead and the stopper rammed down tight. Take the following random incidents from my morning saunter into town.
The iPod pest. Two young men walk towards me on a narrow path. Both are plugged into some kind of mobile entertainment equipment, simultaneously tapping away on their iPhone and checking their Direct Messages. Impressive multi-tasking, I’d agree. The only task they are mismanaging is the most pressing one, that of perambulating safely along a crowded pavement on a Saturday afternoon. They present me with two choices; I can take my chances with the oncoming traffic, or I can stand my ground and wait for them to have an unfortunate rendezvous with my size fifteen boot. Defence is not in my nature and I don’t fancy dodging the lorries. Both young men scowl and emit a torrent of swear words.
The brolly bully. Similar situation to the above. A narrow pavement, a pedestrian not looking where she’s going, heading toward me. brolly aimed directly at my eyes. What is the etiquette here? Allow her to skewer me through the socket, or at the very least lacerate my cheek, and apologise for impeding her blind progress down a busy street; or risk the consequences of alerting her to the fact that her behaviour is recklessly self-regarding? My reaction is instinctive. She collides with my outstretched palm. She utters some very unladylike language. I explain my predicament in as calm a tone as I can muster and inform her that I do not consider it my responsibility to take evasive action. She is the one in charge of a lethal weapon.
The bum. I am not maligning the homeless or insulting the poor and powerless, I’m talking about those young men who appear not to have managed to learn the correct use of a belt. There’s one here now, Jeans halfway down his bum crack. Why does he consider it reasonable to expose his sweaty buttocks to the world? If I wished to learn his preference for a particular brand of underwear – and I cannot for the life of me imagine a situation that would require such knowledge – I am perfectly capable of asking. All that education and he cannot grasp the notion of a notch.
What these three have in common is they have lost – or maybe never developed – the ability to live in a city. Manners, politeness, etiquette developed to allow a swarm of strangers to live physically on top of one another but psychologically and emotionally behind a buffer. Without that buffer we’d all want to club each other to pulp.
Right now a family has sat down next to me in Starbucks, the youngest slobbering on chewing gum as she shovels mounds of whipped cream into her perpetually gaping mouth. I feel like clubbing, and I’m not talking Back To Basics.
I’m glad some one else finds these strange additions to the human race as annoying as I do. I’d love to add a few more;
The Wall. This is actually a group of like-minded individuals who seem to operate as a hive mind. They walk side-by-side down any pavement, whether its narrow or wide, and refuse to budge for oncoming pedestrians. Should you manage to break their telepathic link (and thusly the wall), you get the ‘stare of doom’. Bizarrely, this phenomena is not restricted by age, gender, occupation, class, etc. I have observed ladies in their twilight, obnoxious teenagers, and business suits all doing The Wall.
The Mobile Cryer. Those who feel the need to broadcast their side of a conversation to the whole world. From personal observations, its been mostly women and especially those in a heightened state of aggravation. Word to the wise – shouting your frustrations/anger/expletives will only attract looks of incredulity and make you look like a crazy person.
I wonder what happens when two walls collide? Where do you think the worst examples in Leeds are? My bet is Neville Street, rush hour . . . don’t even try to walk against the flow, they will just mow you down
Ooh yes and what about people who shout in restaurants?
We ought to surround them and point silently to the exit . . . if that doesn’t work then I suggest a whacking them around the head with lead piping.
Well,I love living in a city, but cities can work in many different ways.
I remember talking to a youth worker about a particular neighbourhood in this fair city of ours, who told me that the resources of the youth service were employed in trying to entertain less than 20 young people, while the rest of the high school age kids stayed at home. I suspect that those 20-odd lads (and maybe the odd lass) felt that their petty crime, anti-social behaviour and sad-sack gang impersonations were doing them fine.
The other young people on the estate probably have a mixture of feelings. I’m sure some of them feel the way you do, Phil, but I’m guessing most accept that violence is the way of things and are secretly sad that they are not top dogs. There is a consistent logic, and of course incorporates the logic that a woman’s place is in the beauty clinic.
Sure, if we are all polite to each the city will work in a particular way, but if you don’t know what solipsism means, you might bet on another system to secure your place within it.
I grew up on a sink estate in South Leeds and went to one of the bottom ten performing schools in the country. I spent a lot of my adult life working in mental health services on the same estates. I didn’t, however, lose my sense of irony . . . or my curiosity about words.
I agree with the umbrella issue – there should be a legal limit on dimensions – do you really need a 5ft golfing umbrella on the narrow streets of a town?
And there are clearly people (usually on buses) who have no need for a mobile phone – they should just stick their head out of the window and shout….
No, Lily, there is no excuse for an unfeasibly large brolly, it’s simply anti-social.
I meet lots of 20 year old lads on my way back and forth on the school run; anecdotal evidence of course but these are the ones who make space for my buggy, rein their dog in and say excuse me when on bikes. It kinda makes me feel fuzzy inside cos in their own way these lot are doing a big Up Yours to sterotypes. Apart from the sportswear, they still wear that.
I can fully understand your ire. I live in Los Angeles and confront this type of behavior constantly. Plus here the people are dimmer than the light bulbs in their Mercedes and thus I’m perpetually forced to overhear their moronic cell phone conversations. Do you go to the movies? I’m constantly tweeting about how annoyed I am at the people who can’t turn off their gadgets in the movies. Last week I rose from my seat, walked to a forward row and stood directly in front of a moron and asked her to turn off her phone. Her gasp and frighted eyes were comforting. Being too fat finally comes in handy however at my age and height how menacing could I actually appear. I think I just snapped her out of her coma. If only that could be done for the local drivers, all of whom are immersed in altered states AND on their phones. So much to say, so little content to convey. On the other hand, it’s UK unwillingness to allow others any freedom that created this situation: http://factlets.info/scream . I believe we need to buy poison dart guns but also that people should come in peace.
maybe we should do a post about those random acts of youthful kindness . . . what do you think?