There are some people who believe that clothes should make a statement. I’m not one of them. The only statement I require from my clothes is, “Hey look, here’s the sort of guy who remembers to zip up.”
Still, if it makes some people happy then I can’t see the problem with dressing up. Heck, I’ll even join in if it makes them feel better. Look, there’s me wearing a hat at BettaSocial last night . . . who said I wasn’t capable of fun? Okay, there’s a handful of people. Maybe even a queue. But the point is, I made a sartorial effort. An apparel intervention if you like. I wore a hat – for the first time in my life! – and didn’t feel like an extra in the chimney sweep scene from Mary Poppins. Actually, I did a bit, would you Adam and Eve it, gor blimey guvnor. But considering that I was in a room with a bloke in a monkey costume, a centurion, a cowboy, a ghostly bride, Carmen Miranda, a showgirl with half a hundredweight of ostrich feathers elastically strapped to her head, a trio of pink Mexicans, and Anne Boleyn, I have to say that even wearing a bling bowler I didn’t feel too ridiculous.
Before I went to BettaSocial I wasn’t sure what the difference was (it’s Bettakultcha, it’s a social, so shouldn’t it just be Bettakultchasocial?). And, after I toddled down the stairs of the West Yorkshire Playhouse’s costume department – slightly squiffy from more than my fair share of the plentiful free wine – and into the cold night air of Saint Peter’s Square, I still wasn’t sure what the difference was. But that didn’t matter one bit. It was a hell of a lot of fun (and thanks for the wine guys!)
The venue helped. It’s hard to explain the costume department. Think Mr Benn, unless, like Ivor Tymchak, you’ve never heard of Mr Benn (a gaping hole in your education, btw, which we must rectify as soon as possible. Who’s up for a Mr Benn Bettakultcha . . . MrBennakultcha? . . . we have the perfect venue, speakers should be easy.) But anyway, the place is pretty amazing, stuffed to the roof with rows and racks and stacks of clobber. Somebody who understands what words like “fedora”, “cravat” and “whale bone corset” mean really ought to go down there and do us a review, I haven’t a clue what I’m looking at. There’s an awful lot of clothes is all I can say.
But it’s the speakers who make the event so much fun. Last night there were just the two official presenters, Phil (@philhea) and Emma (@LightTheSpark). Phil did a fascinating talk about his entertainment hero, Al Jolson (he made me rethink the whole “blacking up”, Black and White Minstrel stuff that used to worry me back when I was an insufferably politically conscious pubescent) and Emma did something about her husband messing up their perfect holiday because he wore the wrong trousers. I’m afraid I was with the husband . . . it’s very easy to put on the wrong trousers, Emma. I do it all the time.
Then there was the random slide challenge. I always find this excruciating. I couldn’t do it. I’d rather lick my own wee off a nettle. But there are some people out there who have no shame. My mate Harvi (@MrPeshwari) for instance. Dressed as a rather well endowed lady in a polka dotted bikini, Harvi volunteered to do the first challenge . . . I groaned . . . I tried to sink into my seat . . . I told him he was just a drunken idiot and he’d be sorry . . . but in the end I was wrong and he wasn’t half bad. Or were people laughing just to be nice?
The Mexican trio were charming (sorry, I never got your names), then Steve (@MrHackenbush) took to the stage dressed in a cuddly bear outfit (which I thought was just going for the lowest common comedy denominator, but the kid did good) and Lilly (@LilyBadWisdom) came on and swore a lot, which is always a crowd pleaser, and everyone laughed. Phil did an Al Jolson song too, which was pretty impressive. And we all drank some more. In my mind it was a perfect evening.
I believe the redoubtable Mr John Popham (@johnpopham) live streamed it all on something called Bamboozle I think. Anyway, shouldn’t be hard to find. I’m pretty sure the shy, retiring, let’s-not-make-a-song-and-dance guys from Bettakultcha may just have tweeted the odd link. Worth a look.
And can’t wait till the next one. Though if it’s MrBennakultcha I’m bagsying the Fez . . . or is it a fedora? I really have no bloody idea.