Shut The Fuck Up About Cancer Day says Mick McCann …
You can’t escape cancer. I don’t mean physically. With all the increased investment the chances of surviving many cancers are greater than ever. You can’t escape the mention of cancer. It’s all over the damn place. As a small example of how ubiquitous it is I picked up a general prescription and the sealed paper bag was covered in cancer ads and logos. It made my heart sink so I removed the items and threw the bag away.
I know it’s usually to raise money and make us feel good about ourselves, but I sometimes wonder if cancer sufferers and those close to them would like a small break from the constant cancer advertising and references. Perhaps we could just have a day a year when we remove it? Cover billboards, disable the ads on as many sites and online services as possible. Leave your cancer T-shirts and badges at home and don’t use the myriad of cancer-branded bags. Drop that soap opera story for one night and take the cancer ads off telly, radio and out of the magazines and papers. Just give us one god damn day off.
I hate cancer. I sat and held my Dad’s hand as it killed him. Over these last few weeks I’ve been to the funerals of two very close friends.
My wife is in ‘remission’ from a triple negative breast cancer which is pernicious and aggressive. It’s not one of the more ‘easily’ treated breast cancers. We don’t talk about it much, just get on with our lives and hope it’s gone for good but it quietly haunts us and the ghosts are all around.
There can be an awful gut wrenching response, almost a punch, when you unexpectedly see ads promoting the cancer industry – or cancer awareness. If you’ve just split up from (or been cheated on by) someone you love you may’ve experienced how hard it can be when a romance or sex scene pops up unexpectedly on TV or at the cinema. That can be the thwack of a cancer ad but with added poignancy.
When cancer is in your life it openly stalks you. Not just the reality of it but the mention of it continually reminding you that someone you love might die… or already has. Those ads, logos and campaigns can rub your nose deeply in the emotional shit when you least expect it.
Cancer ads are often designed to scare the shit out of us, probably a sensible strategy to get more cash, but that emotional blackmail can be harder to face when you’ve got cancer in your life. Multiply your response to that close up of a family photo with someone’s face disappearing by ten and you may get near how it feels to someone still directly involved with the disease.
When we spoke to our youngest about his mother’s condition he no doubt went off and Googled it, he’s a smart ten year old. He probably scared himself stupid with what he found and the very real possibility that his mum might die. ‘Surely my mum will live forever.’
Guess what the watermarks on the envelopes of a couple of his recent birthday cards were? ‘Oh thanks for the birthday card and brilliant, just what I wanted on this special day, a postmark to remind me that my mum might be dying… thanks.’
Just after Mrs Mick had finished her radiotherapy and last bout of chemo we decided to go visit my sister in Italy. We needed the pampering her and her husband would provide and to take the time to just have some sort of break from cancer. The flights were ridiculously early, Leeds Bradford Airport was comparatively quiet.
Our hearts sank as the first thing to greet us were two women shouting ‘breast cancer’ at the top of their voices, decked out in all pink, cancer t-shirts and badges, pink bras on the outside. As we passed them for the third time, one became more aggressive in her righteous zeal, recognising us and almost shaking the bucket in our face. ‘How can they not give to cancer?’
‘Can’t the stupid cow see I look like death, can’t she see the wig? We decide if we’re chucking money in the bucket not you and if we want to try and hide from cancer that’s our choice.’ Now, I may be being a tosser, the woman is doing good work; I certainly wouldn’t haul my ass out of bed at sparrow fart to go raise money but people doing good shouldn’t judge those they guess are not.
It sometimes feels like familiarity breeds contempt, or at least blasé thoughtlessness. Think of those awful, no make-up selfies that took over Facebook with some women screaming look at me, I look quite good without my make-up don’t I? Hands up ladies, who posted the first selfie you took? I’d also love to know what percentage actually bothered to register and raise money.
Mrs Mick has got cancer so she obviously had Facebook ‘friends’ tagging and nagging her, ‘clearly she must do one too’.
I could just see my wife thinking, ‘I’ve had to shave my head cos all my hair’s fallen out. I’m being slowly, clinically poisoned so that I feel hideously nauseous, haven’t got an ounce of energy and yet I’m not sleeping. My face has developed a colourless, deathly translucence and my skin’s an utter mess…. Ooh I know what I need to do, take a close up picture without make-up, of my face and bald head combo and post it on Facebook as people are insisting I do…for the third time. Perhaps I could even link it to that woman with perfect skin, who’s just returned from a health spa and had her selfie done in a studio, cheer me up no end that would.’
I think the words she actually used began with fuck and ended with off… delivered very politely obviously.
I am aware that I’m possibly being twatish and raising money for cancer is crucial and people may do stuff for altruistic reasons but sometimes the sheer weight of cancer references makes you want to cry.
So just give us one day a year where the world isn’t screaming CANCER… or maybe a week. I don’t think this would lead to the cancer charities raising less money, paradoxically, I think it would increase the amount we give.
Thanks, Mick, someone had to say it.
Cheers John, I thought so but it’s obviously a difficult topic.
It is a sad and difficult topic to discuss but well done Mick something had to be said to give us some peace. We all need our own space and time to protect ourselves from the monster that is Cancer.
Thanks Ali.
Yeah there has to be some kind of balance. You certainly shouldn’t be targeted by cancer charity cold-callers telling you that if you’d done more in the past your loved one might’ve lived.
Good piece, defintely struck a chord – particularly the bit about the selfies. My wife is currently undergoing treatment and seeing them plastered everywhere made her feel worse. It’s all so relentless, reminders everywhere, when reminding is the last thing you need.
First up good luck to Mrs Mick and Mick and everyone else who has cancer in their lives
As ” cancer survivor” (why not mumps survivor?) myself (hopefully) I appreciate that where I am is different to other people affected so my comments may not entirely what people want to hear but I strikes me Mick is talking about three things to which we might react differently in each case.
(1) Health education messages e.g. “got a cough get it checked” – I’m Ok with these. Leeds has one of the lowest rates of early diagnosis in the country which obviously affects treatment so if one poster makes a difference to someone getting checked that’s good.
(2) Appeals for money for research – this is more complicated. Since it involves questions like – who else is paying? The government and big pharma need to pay up too. What is being paid for? there are massive differences between funding for research into different cancers and different cancer charities have different resources available to generate more cash for their cause. Although there are cross overs in terms of research benefits people have the right to be critical/ pissed off when another chugger comes round their house..
(3) How people with cancer are supposed to behave – Generally I agree with Mick here – there is too much expectation these days e.g. battling cancer, being out there fund raising for whatever you’ve got, advertising the side effects of your treatment through selfies etc.
Whilst I don’t want I don’t want people stuck away on death wards, people with cancer and their relatives should be allowed to deal with their situation in their own way.
So yes I agree it can all get too much but it is probably overall better to be talking about these things and try to take the positives but also recognise the negatives and that a lot still needs to be improved even with the money the NHS has.
There are many other areas of health that are not talked about and where research lsgs well behind. we need to focus on these too.
Firstly Mick I hope your wife beats this absolute b*****d of a disease and secondly I hope your whole family are bearing up.
I think the real issue here is why the hell are people having to raise money in the first place? I struggle with this whole concept of charity for medical research. Without getting all political and quoting Aneurin Bevan and the like, the collective by way of the government, governments around the world, should be funding research not well intentioned people doing 5 mile runs in pink tee shirts. Sadly, that’s not happening anytime soon.
We don’t have to do charity runs for weapons development do we?
Well said Mick, I agree with every word. You live with cancer every minute of every day, my dad died of lung cancer last August, one week after I found I had breast cancer. OK I thought so let’s get on with dealing with it and then on with life. I’m not going to sit and mope and say woe is me. But those Macmillan ads annoy me so much!
Perhaps one answer to Jon Lake’s question is that those of us who could afford to contribute more to the national exchequer, don’t pay enough in taxation. Also, I find this odd: I am still in work but because I have reached a certain age I no longer have to pay for my prescription eye drops. Why is this? I have never been in a better position financially to pay the charge and yet I get the prescription for free. I think that accounts for nearly £100 a year.
Another answer to Jon might be that so many more previously fatal diseases are becoming potentially treatable that research money is being stretched over more and more areas and therefore proportionally lessened in individual areas. Hence charities to carry the slack perhaps.
On the one hand I totally agree .. As a “cancer survivor” I get sick and tired of the pink and fluffiness rammed down my throat every day .. But on the other hand I’m all for raising awareness… Particularly of the checking your body variety .. I’ve lost far too many friends to this disease because it was just too late, too advanced, not detected early enough … So if it saves just one life … Then I have to cope with all the pinkness !