I’ve spent most of the past few days working in the garden. All 4 and a bit square yards of it. I’d been promising for a month or so: just waiting for the right weather, I’d mutter, pointing at the window in the general direction of the upper portion of outside.
Hold on, I was just corrected from the kitchen; there is some evidence of a verbal agreement I made in October to “tidy up”. I have no recollection of mentioning any such thing and still protest that the actual promise was almost certainly this year, no earlier than March, possibly Aprilish. Admittedly I do not have definitive proof. It’s not as if you write this sort of thing down.
Anyway, the garden finally made it to the top of my To Do List. My To Do List is simply the item which can no longer be evaded without domestic disharmony reaching Stockhausenian dimensions. I pretend to have a To Do List to avoid a to do.
To be honest all I did on Saturday morning was trample down a nettle that had grown as tall and tinsely as a Christmas tree and pull out of a few of the less prickly plant species. Then I chucked a large bit of cardboard over (packaging from a sofa bed we got at Christmas that I’d put aside in the cellar for just this very eventuality), threw down a roll of weed control fabric, then spilled 4 bags of rustically red B&Q chippings. Gave it a bit of a kick into the corners, looks champion.
I’ve had some admiring nods and grunts from the neighbours. The postman too remarked that it looked “shitloads better.” And it seems especially popular with the local feline population. A couple have visited several times already, crouching there, looking inscrutable, quietly contemplating the fruit of my labours. It’s nice to be appreciated.
I managed to stretch what was really no more than two hours work over the whole weekend, with a break for a glass of wine and some splendid dim sum at the Waterfront Festival. And I had Monday off. I reckoned I deserved it after all that cultivating.
Now it’s pouring down, which is not the required weather for outdoor activities, so the garden will just have to look after itself.
Gardening for me has always been a chore to avoid. Or else something to pretend to have a go at when the alternative is much worse. This weekend fell into the latter category. Listening to the news versus leaning on a rake watching the world go by – the world specifically in the form of the Number 16 bus, the endless shrieking quad bikes, and an odd car crash, which punched a five foot hole in a side wall and consumed a whole morning of communally shared outrage; the choice could not have been more obvious.
Wait a minute, back to those cats…
That’s their shit face; the look they have when they are doing a poo…
The other half just chipped in her two penn’oth. An opinion backed up by years of acquaintance with feline ways.
You have just made the biggest collectivised cat tray in Armley.
I looked out of the window. “Fudge”, a cat from 4 doors down, and a cheeky little devil, is squatting under the hedge in a dry spot, smirking right back at me with gooseberry eyes…
I unexpectedly lapse into a Nigel Farage moment.
Can we go to B&Q later, I ask the other half. I need to build a fence… a big, strong, cat-proof, razor-wired, electrified fence.
I’ve been trying to avoid the Referendum for days now, cultivating the garden, but it seems like the negative messages have penetrated my subconscious.
All I can think about is taking back my borders.
“BORIS!” I scream, inside my head.
I’ve had my quota of cats!
Hi Phil
Now you are developing a passion for your parterre no doubt you will be sorry you missed out on this north Leeds community event last weekend.
http://roundhayopengardens.wix.com/2016
Actually there were a few late additions to this programme notified to the local alternative news platform The Roundhay Irresponsible which I attach below ……
“Late Entries for Roundhay Garden Festival.
The Irresponsible has been informed of four late entries to the Roundhay Garden Festival sponsored by G4C (Golden Generation Get a Guilty Conscience) Gardening Section.
“Concretopia” at a house off Lidgett Lane. This celebrated reminder of the heyday of British Brutalism was designed by the Owen Luder Partnership (Tricorn Centre Portsmouth, Dunstan Rocket Gateshead both demolished) for the then owner house in the early 1960’s. It is recognised by Historic England as a national monument in the small post-war gardens of distinction category. The garden consists of a number angular concrete blocks resting on a tableau of expressionist Breton Brute concrete. The garden is largely free from planting apart from lichen growing on the sculptural blocks and a few weeds percolating from the concrete floor.
“Run Wild, Run Free” – a semi on the Brackenwood Estate. In keeping with concepts of rewilding, back to nature and inspired by the BBC’s latest programme hosted by Jonty Nobb “Gardening at your ease”. This urban space on the Brackenwood’s has been allowed to revert to time before the estate was built when it was farm land identified by fields and hedgerows. Now towering to over 10ft the hedge is an impressive boundary to the wild “garden” within which now totally encompasses the private tentant’s semi-detached residence. The remains of previous planting can still be discerned amidst what remains of the beds and broken pathways. Children visiting this garden must be closely supervised as it contains numerous brambles and stinging nettles. Visitors should be aware too that some of the plants are poisonous and should not be eaten.
“Building for the future” – in a new build detached house off Oakwood Lane. At present this garden is in its early stages of development. It consists of levelled top soil boundaried by 6ft high plain wood fence. There are a number of raised beds faced in concrete block work. There is a garden tool shed in one corner and a hot tub shaded with a newly constructed pergola in another. The design work is by Plantocracy Gardens and the owner is using the local nursery Pots4U to source the outstanding collection of delphiniums, hydrangeas and geraniums.
“Living off the land” – another house off Lidgett lane. This is no conventional garden but demonstrates the feasibility of creating an urban smallholding in a restricted space for maximum sustainability and local food production. The area is divided into two. Nearest the house are situated a number of raised beds in which vegetable are grown cyclically to provide a seasonable table at all times of the year. In the further end of the garden closest to neighbouring homes there is a chicken coop and piggery. The space provides just enough gazing for a goat and some sheep. During the course of festival, the owner will be offering a number of types of artisan bread and cakes from the kitchen window. All proceeds will be given to the charities Rodents Protection League and Save the Urban Rat”.
I have copied this article with permission of editor Roy Smear who has insisted that I inform you that neither the Irresponsible nor any of its associated groups or activities are a part of the Leeds Kapital of Kulcha bid 2013.
I hope all this inspires you to do more work in your “jardin urbain”
Kind regards
Sour