Bettakultcha … Imagine If You Hadn’t Been Before

There were lots of newbies at the last Leeds Bettakultcha. We asked one of them what she made of it. Jo Throup (@jojiebean) tries to make sense of what she saw …

I feel like most of my Culture Vulture reviews begin with something like: “Even though I’ve lived in Leeds my whole life, I’ve never been to [insert place of review] before.” And this review is just like all the rest, because even though I’ve lived in Leeds my whole life, I have never been to a Bettakultcha event before. Or at least I hadn’t until last Tuesday.

If, like me, you’ve been in and around Leeds for a long time too and you’ve never been to a Bettakultcha event, then you might be wondering what exactly Bettakultcha is.

Hmm. It’s pretty difficult to explain. I’d describe it as a blog post. But instead of reading a blog post about a particular subject, the author is talking to you about it. And it’s not a sales pitch or a motivational speech at a staff professional development day or anything. It isn’t for training purposes and you don’t have to take notes (unless you’re kind of geeky and like that sort of thing).

It’s kind of like a performance, except the person on stage isn’t acting or dancing or singing.

Okay, so it’s not like a performance. It’s more like going out for a drink with a bunch of friends and then a particular subject pops up that one person has lots of opinions on or maybe it reminds them of an entertaining story and so they talk for five minutes and everyone listens. Except, instead of that person telling their friends, they’re telling a whole room full of people. They also have a slideshow of pictures to illustrate their points. And instead of people chiming in with their own opinions they can just continue speaking, totally uninterrupted. And when they’ve finished speaking everyone applauds.

So, Bettakultcha is an evening of verbal performance blog posts being told to a room full of people by either your friends or people who could be your friends… With pictures.

I arrive at my very first Bettakultcha event which is taking place at the very chilled out and groovy eco-hub that is Greenhouse in Beeston. I’m with a couple of friends who are also Bettakultcha noobs. When we arrive we’re greeted with a crafty pack of… er… crafty bits put together by. A bunch of us sit at a table curiously opening our crafty packs. Within minutes, everyone is quietly gluing, cutting, sticking and generally taking the crafting of someincredibly seriously. I even caught our editor Phil Kirby slinking off with a craft pack. “It was foisted upon me,” he claimed when I apprehended him on Twitter. (Fibber; I gave my craft pack to someone who knew what to do with it! ed.)

Anyway, what’s nice about the crafty bits and fiddles was that there was something to do, other than make idle chit-chat about all the people you don’t like at work (or whatever) during the pre-show lull.

First up, Jenny Harris and Fran Graham talk us through the pros and cons of novelty Christmas jumpers. You know the sort – knitwear sporting the face of a reindeer that have recently become very trendy. Do we love them or hate them? Personally, I’m pro all brightly coloured novelty tat (or “Jolly Junk” as my mum calls it) around this time of year, because I’m a Christmas enthusiast.

Next, Victoria Betton introduces us to Glossophobia – fear of public speaking – an excellent (yet ironic) talk on the various suggested methods of how to overcome a fear of speaking to large groups of people. We’ve all heard the tips and tricks, but as Victoria confirmed: imagining a naked audience is more distracting than helpful in such a situation.

Seasoned Bettakultcha pro and organiser Richard Michie took the (sort of) stage next, to take us through a whirlwind chat about what does and doesn’t make a good Yorkshireman (apparently, being grumpy helps – I’m part way there).

One of my favourite talks of the evening was Greenhouse resident Alaric Hall’s talk about carbon footprints, which (thankfully) wasn’t the usual stuffy speech about organic granola and how terribly evil cars are, but rather how difficult (near impossible) it is to measure the carbon footprint of any single action, concluding that each of our carbon footprints is connected to everyone else’s and so we all affect each other’s carbon footprint – thought provoking indeed.

The first half finishes with Mark O’Brien’s murder mystery of sorts about inventor Louis Le Prince, who filmed the first moving picture sequences using a single lens camera in Leeds, in 1888. Le Prince apparently vanished from a train on 16 September 1890. Whatever happened to Louis Le Prince? We don’t know, but we know Thomas Edison took credit for the invention of motion pictures – the cheeky bugger.

During the break, yet more crafting ensues and by the end everyone sitting at our table (including those who are not particularly crafty) has successfully made a Woolly Warmer.

The second half opens with an informative talk about donating eggs and what is involved in the process. Admittedly, it’s a subject I haven’t given much thought to, but feel somehow better for knowing something (anything) about it.

Humour next, with the retelling of the trauma induced by driving a Toyota Prius around the Huddersfield one way system, hitting speeds of 13m.p.h and performing an emergency stop with every touch of the brake pedal.

Following the car theme, fellow Bettakultcha pro and organiser, Ivor Tymchak tells us the whopping differences in action you should take if you receive a parking ticket from the local council (pay it) and if you get one from a private company (ignore it until they go away).

The final talk was both humorous and heart-breaking in equal measure. Emma Sutton talked to us about trying to get pregnant and the seemingly bizarre advice offered from friends and relatives (one friend suggested she buy a dog) before talking us through the long, slow process of filling in endless forms for adoption.

The evening ended with the random challenge. Audience members are invited to improvise a talk using a series of random images. This is the sort of thing that usually makes me curl up and cringe, but a couple of challengers did some pretty impressive (and amusing) ad-libbing.

And there you have it: a mixed bag of subjects both anecdotal and informative, but all a refreshing change from the usual bitching about co-workers and the mundane chatter about X-Factor and such.

So how would I describe a Bettakultcha event having actually been to one? I’d say it’s a night in the pub listening to friends and strangers talk about something passionately, uninterrupted and about a wide range of subjects that might otherwise have never come up in conversation. Still not sure what I’m on about? Then I recommend you get along to a Bettakultcha event and see for yourself.