Buerk . . . The Newsical?

Buerk! The Newsical

Greg Jameson and Tom Bailey are the creators of “Buerk! The Newsical”. The show tells the tale of 80s TV news icon Michael Buerk and features original songs and robot dancing. We asked them to interview each other. Here is the result:

TOM: Hello Greg. First of all, how are your ferrets? And why a show about Michael Buerk?

GREG: Thank you. How nice to be asked about my ferrets. The smelly little blighters are just dandy, thank you. The obvious answer to your other question is – “Why not?” I’d like to say it’s because Buerk’s an icon, which he certainly is, but that would be post-revisionist balls going in search of respectability. I remember we decided that our next project was going to be the most difficult and improbable thing we could conceive. For two tone-deaf boyband-rejects like us, a musical was the obvious ticket. I can’t even remember the important bit – how we settled on the career of Michael Buerk as our subject. Do you remember any more about the genesis of the show? Did we discuss how historically accurate we’d make it?

TOM: We’d just done a fabulously successful sketch show, after which women of both sexes threw themselves at our feet. We hoped our follow up would get us more cheap thrills. Why we settled on Buerk, I can’t remember. We were drunk, I suppose. Historical accuracy wasn’t on the agenda but we were keen to throw in as many Buerkish references as we could. He had to get it on with Moira Stuart. And he needed a nemesis; who better than harmless weatherman Ian McCaskill? Throw in the Ethiopian famine and Live Aid and there’s a show. Though you read Buerk’s autobiography.

GREG: Yes, I went research-mad and borrowed “The Road Taken” from the library. It’s a good read, if you like war zones, politics and all that sort of thing. I listened to the audiobook too, because hiring Buerk to read the full thing would have been expensive, and he was busy with The Moral Maze anyway. He has a lovely voice: warm, safe and authoritative. The M1 whizzes by with Buerk’s velvety tones caressing your ears. We worried that Buerk might sue, but he comes out of our show rather well. Do you think he’d recognise himself in our lowly man from Leatherhead?

TOM: I think so. Our Buerk is very heroic, if slightly bumbling. The audience will warm to him. Old ladies’ bosoms will tingle when he comes on stage. All the bad stuff, the racism, sexism, general bad eggery we gave to McCaskill. He’s a real cad. You mention Leatherhead there. We do have an obsession with the word “Leatherhead”. I don’t think Buerk would mind that we constantly refer to him being from Leatherhead, even though in fact he has no connection to the place. Our sense of humour is peculiar, but audiences seem to like it don’t they?

GREG: I think audiences go along with the worlds we create because they’re consistent. We laugh at the same things, which is why Buerk! feels like a completely collaborative venture. If we both think a joke or line is funny we’ve included it, and generally quick-witted and sexually attractive audiences lap up our nonsense like thirsty baboons. We’ve been ruthless – even to the extent of cutting a whole sequence about Chunky Kit Kats after audience reaction to an early performance. How did you feel about that?

TOM: People objected to the Chunky Kit Kat because the show is set in the 80s and that particular chocolate bar wasn’t invented until 1999. They were entirely happy with Ian McCaskill being portrayed as an evil genius with voodoo weather powers but couldn’t deal with a confectionary-based anachronism. We’ve kept in a reference to Chaka Demus & Pliers, the 90s reggae group, just to ruffle a few feathers. Talking of sub-standard musical duos, how did the Buerk! music come about?

GREG: Well, I initially dusted down my keyboard, locked myself away in a darkened room with nothing but inspiration, manuscript paper and bourbon biscuits and didn’t stop for so much as an all-over Thai massage until I’d knocked out several songs. I was very pleased with myself but unfortunately they sounded worse than Rodney Bewes’ stomach after a hot Jalfrezi. We concluded we were rubbish at songwriting. We’d written all the lyrics, and had some idea of how we wanted the songs to sound: but to realise our fantasy of bringing Buerk! to the stage, we had to court the talents of two of Yorkshire’s top musicians: Allan Stelmach and Mark Kingston. They’re a supremely talented duo (although Allan is much taller than Mark). They threw themselves behind the project, which was very reassuring. I don’t know about you but I felt frissons of joy hearing our lyrics being brought musically to life. It’s been a very good natured project, though, would you say? Writers and actors like us are usually easy company, but musicians are notoriously truculent (look at Yazz). Is it fair to say the four creative forces behind the project shared the same glorious vision?

TOM: Yes, I’d say so. I like to think of ourselves as the “Gang of Four”, with Mark acting as Mao’s steely wife Jiang Qing. If you look them up on the internet, you’ll find they look eerily similar. Our “cultural revolution” would be to cheer up the doom-mongering citizens of Britain with a show full of 80s-themed nonsense. I had a similar wibbly feeling in my trousers when I first heard the songs – but that was nothing compared to hearing them orchestrated with a full band. Allan and Mark are joined by Pete on bass and Charlie on drums to form ‘The World Service’. They’re a queer bunch, musicians. Always late and very poor diets. But we’ve enjoyed it. To be honest, when we started writing the show, I didn’t quite anticipate how many people would be involved.

GREG: It’s daunting to open up your work to a wider audience and ask people to lend their time and effort to it. Like going on a first date in your Birthday Suit. You’d know more about that.

TOM: No comment.

GREG: Some parts, principally Moira Stuart, we had a very specific remit for, as only a black actress could possibly do it, otherwise we could be misinterpreted as a bunch of racists, which wouldn’t be on.

TOM: And so far everyone has got on famously and agreed to spout our stupid dialogue without much complaint. As well as us, the show stars Helen McDonald, Stephen Mosley, Ollie Burton, Warwick St John and Linda Neary. Fine actors with lovely hair and neat fingernails. What’s your ambition for the show?

GREG: We’ve always wanted Buerk! to be the latest craze in Japan and hope that Japanese commuters will whistle the songs in the subways of Tokyo. Would you say we’re any closer to achieving such lofty posterity?

TOM: I’m sure we’ll be huge in Japan before the year is out. I’m already designing my own Buerk!-flavoured tamagotchi. In fact, Michael Buerk’s son Roland lives in Tokyo and I’m sure he’d be supportive if we go over there. But before that inevitability we should encourage people to come to Seven Arts on July 8th and 9th to see us in action. Finally, how to sum up Buerk! in three words? You first.

GREG: Buerk! The Newsical in three words? “BUERK IT BABY!” to use the parlance of today’s popular culture. Your turn!

TOM: That’s entirely unhelpful. My three words: BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, LEATHERHEAD.

Buerk! The Newsical is showing on Friday 8th and Saturday 9th July, 8pm at Seven Arts, 31 Harrogate Road, Leeds, LS7 3PD. All tickets are £8 and can be obtained at the venue or by calling 0113 2623777 or emailing info@sevenleeds.co.uk. See www.buerkthenewsical.com for more information.